Going to the college corridor was a terrible idea. Ever since I have come here I haven't been able to ween myself from eating hot dogs, going to good wills, and sleeping on couches. I mean seriously it is the best, I honestly don't know a better way to spend some of the most worry free days of life. I have camped for two nights in a row since I have gotten to Eugene. It was only 45 miles to Corvallis, and then 50 or so to Salem, then another 50 to Portland and from there I met my mom and she drove me all the way to Astoria so it was pretty easy to make all the way to Olympia in a few days. There is a large part of me that is screaming at myself. Not letting me forget how much of a pussy I have been for not braving the wet cold ass nights that April in Washington promises. I have been in the weather for so long and it has gotten to the point where if a slightly comfortable opportunity presents itself than it is worth taking. Although I am missing out on the Native Americans, the Rain Forest, and the home town of Bella, it is totally worth it to get out of the rain and the constant feeling of loneliness. I guess to me at this point in my very short life, eating apple tarts with my friends is better than biting the Carlisle Cullen obsessed girl that I was sure to seduce. I definitely wouldn't give up that opportunity if it came across my path, but seeking it out at the expense of my body and missing out on Carson Ball the best friend my smelly asshole could ever have (Written by Carson) was just not worth it me. That is what I am starting to realize, it is way better hanging out with the devil than being alone. It isn't worth punishing myself anymore, I like myself I think that I have gained all of the character that I can possibly squeeze out of this trip. If I was way more hardcore and didn't like people as much as I do, it wouldn't have been a big deal to go around the country like a badass mother fucker, but since I am a normal human being I'm pretty much over it. I want to see people that are my age, I don't want to ride my bike in the rain everyday with no hope of any comfort. I am just ready go home sit in my pool and eat the absolutely delicious food that Prudy is bound to make me. Even though I'm getting to the point of being over what I am doing I am not over the way that this trip made me. Being able to go anywhere talking to anyone and riding my bike to get there is a great way to live. Even living really cheaply is a new habit that I don't think I will be able to shake. I am just starting to learn what is important in life, it is worth squandering all of my money on having incredible experiences rather than buying all of the gear that I would need to decorate my room the same way that they do on Extreme Home Make Over. I love coming home to a nice space, but how can I ever give up for the gratitude of a little kid in a skate park by giving him the exact thing that he is always looking for in exchange for it. I have started to grow back into my college self but now with a totally different attitude. It is really hard for me to not appreciate what I have, it is hard for me to not look at the college world and see how nice it is, going to school and learning some pretty awesome stuff compared to the alternative of sleeping under bridges and begging for food and alcohol for the rest of my life. I am ready to think and grow in a way that can only be done by being forced by teachers. I can't go through my entire life acting like I am an intelligent productive member of society when I am actually a bum that is so jaded I feel as though the world kind of gives a shit about me. Carson told me a quote "That the world only cares about you as much as you care about yourself." and he's completely right. Eventually my luck is going to run out, sooner or later everyone is going to be disillusioned with my mission and me to the realization of what I really am, which is a traveling homeless person that uses and breaks all of their stuff at the very worst, and eats all of their food at the very best. The thing is that I do care about myself now. I completely love myself so I guess it is worth putting a little bit of effort into something that will eventually be worth something rather than continuing to sleep outside and being semi miserable. This experience has been life changing I believe that I am a better person than when I started but it's really hard to say. On a moral level I feel as though I have been living a fairly successful life but at a legality level I feel as though I may be doing subpar. This is the question that is hard for me to decide on. Is something that everyone thinks is wrong necessarily wrong?
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